If You Become an Adult

If you become an adult, you’ll no longer go out on a Saturday night. If you don’t go out, you’ll end up watching TV. If you start channel surfing, you’ll probably find an 80’s movie. When you find The Breakfast Club, you’ll get genuinely excited. Then you’ll do the math. When you figure out The Breakfast Club came out in 1985, you’ll remember that’s when you were a high school sophomore. Then you’ll think, “Hey, that’s funny, because now I teach high school sophomores.” When you recognize the stinging irony, you’ll begin to feel your age. When you start to feel your age, you’ll try to remember which character you used to most identify with. When your senility prevents you from remembering, you’ll try to identify with one of the adult characters, of which there are only two, and the principal is an utter a-hole. When you realize that you’d rather be a janitor than a princess, a brain, a basket-case, a jock, a criminal, or an utter a-hole, you realize that you really truly have become an adult.